An inane escape

The class bitch. The jock. The nerd. The average joe. The girl-next-door. Pretty predictable.... It's very hard to imagine a teen flick without those basic elements. But who cares? People are still going to continue churning out mediocre fare like that and we're still gonna lap it all up.

And why? Well, not going to answer for you but I actually love them. I know they make no sense whatsoever. I know they're as far removed from reality as can be. I even know some of the jokes aren't that funny. But I do not give a damn

It's a world to get lost in. A world where you know, for once, everything's gonna turn out the way you'd envisioned. The nice guys get their happy ending. The bad guys get what's comin to 'em. All to the backdrop of a high school you wish you'd gone to.

Life goes according to plan. There are friends who you can count on thru thick and thin. There are gorgeous people you can ensure will fall in love with you. There are games and tests you will fail repeatedly at, but when it really counts that's when you'll shine. And a fleeting thought will pass your mind, as you stare mindlessly at the flickering images- why can't my life be that simple? You try to scoff at the absurdity of it all.

But, till the credits roll, a reluctant smile graces your lips.

So, escape into the world of cotton candy romances and asinine irrationality. And, once its over, come back a little less disillusioned.

Self-preservation

I just had an overwhelming desire to breakdown. In the middle of work, post lunch, when all that should be in my mind is the half-hearted desire to ward off drowsiness... Well, at least that worked. I'm no longer sleepy.

A friend implied that I'm scared to let anyone in. The fear of getting close to someone is almost paralysing. Alright, it's probably not news. Analysing it is a road, though, I may not want to travel down. Solving it is a definite no.

I suppose losing someone, that close to me, had it's repercussions. And I refuse to let anyone else get that close to me. My way of self-preservation. The less vulnerability, the easier it is to live. Well, one way of going through life.

Heard someone say that today. Never let anyone get close. You stay better friends that way. Besides, it's not likely that someone wants to hear you let it all out. Sooner or later, a very polite ly worded "shut up" is gonna come your way. Why wait for that?

So I'm shutting people out again. If I want to cry, I'll cry alone. If I want to rant, I'll scream in my head. A few confidences shared is all that you really need to survive. Keep yourself aloof.

So bottle it all in. Share in tiny amounts. Delude yourself into happiness.

The list

I'm goin to get a tattoo - a small one near my shoulder.
I'm goin to bear the pain and get a navel piercing.
I'm goin to dye my hair - not just streak it.
I will change the colour of my contacts.
I will not be scared to fall in love again.
I will keep a book of my myriad thoughts.

Just a list of things I will never do.

Depravity and resolutions

I've been contemplating penning my thoughts for a while now. And figures that it would take ages to finally put down what I wanted. And now it's tainted...

The opening line's been in my head for a month. "Just when I thought the world was lost to depravity, along comes..." Well, that line's no good now.

I do remember the absolute joy that crossed my mind. I do not care if you think there might have been an ulterior motive. I'm keeping it pure in my mind. A donation of 5000 buns for the animals at blue cross - how could you possibly ruin that for me? One of the few times I've experienced that warm, fuzzy feeling.

And I wanted to get it down - before I forgot. Before something came along to spoil it for me.
Well, something did. And I hate that I cannot get it out of my head. Keeps replaying in my head. Never mind that a few days ago my mind was brimming with love for my fellow man...how corny could I get? The world is gone to hell.

And doesn't help that I have that damn new year resolution to stick to. What was I thinking?

But it makes sense. Maintain a distance. And spare yourself the pain. Not that there has been any yet. Little twinges of it, perhaps. But that's bearable. So the best thing is to get out before it's too late. And I intend on doing that.

I've made a start. And the withdrawal hurts more than I thought. Never been one to follow resolutions. Let's see if this the one that will stick.