Mortality

Years go by and the truth dawns. Childhood fallacies swept away as the realization comes into sharp focus. Mortality is a terrifying reality.

It shouldn't have to be almost tangible. But I can feel it everyday... reminding me that nothing lasts forever. It's whispering thoughts I wish I could scream away.

I never wanted to get used to it. Never wanted to live each day dreading that phone call.

It's a way of life. Ignoring it isn't gonna make it go away. But having it glare at my face is not a way I want to live my life. To think of new ways to not think about it. To not contemplate of what will only bring me to tears.

Thinking about it constantly will make it fester... will stop the wound from healing. And I still pick at it, making it worse. Reminding myself of what I lost... envisioning new terrors. The many futures that could destroy my world.

A future so much worse than the present I'm drowning in. And my only excuse for living in my nightmare...I'm preparing myself for so much worse.