Two Sides

I'm flying in little less than 2 weeks. I know I'm supposed to be excited. I know I'm supposed to be thrilled. And don't get me wrong, I am. But, I think that there's a tiny part of me that's wondering if that's it...if this will be the one big thing that makes me thrilled. And after that, all I have are the memories.

I wanna go and have the best time ever there. But, really, I'm just too lethargic lately. I can't seem to make the effort to plan. Maybe it'll all be different when I reach there. Maybe I'll get there and realize that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and that I should make the best of it.

Or maybe, it won't be that great. Maybe it'll be the same as home, only colder. Maybe I won't have a soul to talk to and will wanna come back running here.

I guess that's what life is about really. The fear that things are not gonna go your way. The hope that you'll find what you want. The uncertanities that make you think twice. I've got my choices ready. I guess just need to decide.

So maybe I'll go for a lil hope...

Fade Away

Amazing how people surprise you. Someone you think the world of, who you imagine can never hurt you, who you trust implicitly... turns out he's a person you invented in your mind.

And you don't know how to get past it. You know you said you'd try. You know you think it'll get better later...but, to know what you went through earlier and to do something so similar...that's just not something you're ready to forgive.

You're not saying friends don't disappoint. Friends betray you, they lie, they cheat, they hurt you. And, if you're willing to, you forgive them. And, you go and stab them in their backs the very next day. A full circle, you don't give it a second thought.

And then along comes a few minutes of indiscretion... a slipping of the mask? And you find that you can't see your friendship in the same way. Every little thing is suspect. Every thing he says may be a lie.

You wish he never did what he did. And then you wonder, if he didn't do it now, would he have done it later? Or was it just one moment of weakness? The more you think about it, the less you want to. And soon you're going to be tired. You're going to will it all to fade away.

And you're going to lose what you once treasured.